1 Corinthians 2:9

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." 

During college, this was my theme verse. I even had it made into a vinyl quote for my wall. These words speak to the unknown, the new, the unfolding that is college. This verse thrilled me. NO TELLING what God was going to do next. I was sure it would be good.

One evening, I was visiting with a friend at Starbucks and we were discussing this very verse. A man (who happened to be a pastor) overheard our conversation.

"Do you know the next verse, though?" He asked us. "It completes verse 9."

Surprised anyone was listening, we stammered out some response. It was a long time ago and unfortunately I don't really remember what was said. But He smiled kindly and left soon after that.

Fast forward several years to today and I now have a teensy bit more understanding how verses 9 and 10 work together.

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”— these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.

See, the unknown and the unfolding are a little less thrilling than they were 5 years ago, because now I realize even more that tragedies can be the next thing around a corner, rather than a triumph. Sometimes what unfolds isn't in our plans. The "not knowing" has lost a little appeal.

But in verse 10, God is promising that he can bring understanding to our spirits through His spirit. Understanding that I need and crave at every twist and turn in the path.

While I still haven't opened my Bible to find a 5-year, or even a 1-year plan yet (I'll let you know if I do), I understand a bit more than a few years ago the beauty of when God reveals things to our spirits.

So to the eavesdropping pastor out there somewhere: you were right. Verses 9 and 10 go hand-in-hand.

Saul's Problem

I am reading through the Bible chronologically again this year and as I've recently read the story of Saul's reign and downfall throughout the book of 1 Samuel, it seemed for the first time that I could pinpoint his problem.

He was wise in his own eyes.

Consistently, he demonstrated impatience over patience, taking matters into his own hands over waiting on God's timing and walking in the wisdom of Saul, rather than the wisdom of God.

Scary.place.to.be.

He didn't wait for Samuel to sacrifice to God, he chose to go to a witch for wisdom, he wasted time and energy pursuing David to satisfy his own ego and ultimately decided to write the end of his own story when he takes his own life.

God had great things planned for Saul- not only was he king, his sons and their sons after them were supposed to be king. But Saul threw that opportunity in the trash with his very own hands.

It's easy to judge Saul from our armchairs, but how often do we ourselves default to walking in the wisdom of self? Far too often would be my guess. I know I'm guilty of it!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,  and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes;  fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." 
Proverbs 3:5-8 (NIV)

Friends, let us learn from Saul's mistakes and choose to walk in God's wisdom and wait on his timing. We won't be disappointed.

April 17th, 1994

April 1994. I had just turned 4. It was around Easter and I had some questions.

Questions that would lead to the single-most life-defining decision.

While watching an Easter play on TV with my mom, I started asking,

 "Why are they doing that to Jesus?" "What is it for?" 

As my mom explained why Jesus died on the cross- to take away my sins so I could live with him forever, I asked very simply,

"Can I have that?"

From that moment on, I became another person that had never existed before.

Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.

He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.

And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.

My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.

Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?

Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?

Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?

With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.

So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...

Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.

He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.

"What this God has brought me, 
What this God has taught me- 
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space 
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me 
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost 
Oh this God has been life to these bones 
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."

---Kendall Payne, "On My Bones"

Are You Happy With Now?

What if you were completely satisfied with this moment right now?

I started thinking last night how much of our time and energy is spent in anticipation of:

the weekend
next month
November 3 (Oh wait, I think that's just me...)
a different season
freshman year
senior year
another year
another time
another place.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this kind of thinking; anticipation can be good. Planning is necessary.

But are you able to set all that aside as needed and be genuinely satisfied with the present?

If yes, great. You don't have to finish reading this post.
If not, let's chat a bit more.

Truthfully, I'm preaching to myself right now. Truthfully, I am living in GREAT anticipation for that November 3 date when my fiance and I will finally be man and wife, and there is nothing wrong with that. Truthfully, I did not expect it to be so hard to be satisfied with my here and now, and that struggle is refining me.

So I go back to God's Word. Psalm 118:24 says, "THIS is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I cannot dismiss the utter gift that right now is, because it will never happen again. There is much to do, much to say, much to listen to, much to be each day. Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there." Be all here. In this day. THIS day. Not 2 weeks from now. Not next month. Not 2 months from now. Not 5 years from now.


 I encourage you all, as I am firmly encouraging myself, to finish drinking all now has to offer before moving on to...

...whatever's next.

"Let not our longing slay our appetite for living."

--- Jim Elliot



It Won't Be Taken Away

In today's selection from Jesus Calling, a scripture resonated with me in a way that it hadn't before.

"...You have chosen the better thing and it will not be taken away from you."

This scripture is Luke 10:42 and is referring to the story of Mary and Martha. Jesus was commenting on Mary's choice to commune with Him and how that wouldn't be taken from her.
The devo today talked about the rewards of choosing to commune with God even though sometimes it is not appreciated or even misunderstood by others, like in the story of Mary and Martha. God promises returns when we choose Him, and those rewards are not to be taken away.

This hit home with me as recently I found out that my internship will not pan out how I desired. I enjoyed the work, was very good at it and have received excellent feedback from my immediate superiors. For reasons beyond my control and theirs, it just simply isn't going to pan out beyond the end of July.

A choice is before me: blare my "I'm discouraged" horn (and in this case, I would have good reason to) or hum a different tune.
As we all know, throughout our lives there are seemingly worthwhile ventures that we invest ourselves in and seemingly get nothing. They are "taken away from us," so to speak. It is an encouraging reminder as God's kids that no matter what endeavors in our lives fail to bring returns or are taken away from us, those daily decisions to commune with Him, the hourly decisions to choose HIM over all, will never fail to reward and it can't be taken away from us. I like that kind of security. That's just how it works in God's economy.

God's economy > any other economy.

A Huge Gaping Abyss

Here is another devo from the vault! I wrote this Aug/Sept of my freshman year in college. I have grown a lot in the area of trusting God with my future since then, but thought it would be cool to post this before my LAST WEEK of regular classes (maybe ever?) starts up. 

Enjoy!

I recently attended a leadership orientation for my scholarship group.  As is typical with these types of orientations, we got to partake in a variety of icebreakers.  One such task, though relatively simple, proved amazingly hard for me. 

Picture this: you and your partner. Small balls on the ground.  Your partner directs you to the balls and you throw the balls to try to tag the other people out by listening to your partner’s instructions. 

Oh yeah, and you are blindfolded, as are the other people you are trying to tag. 

Since I went first, my partner actually had to lead me out of the room where we were meeting to the playing space outside.  Here is where I ran into my problem. 

I couldn’t see. 

I didn’t know what to expect next. 

Any step could be my last (okay, not really but just play along).  The next step could plunge me into a huge gaping abyss. 

Even with my partner leading me by the elbow and reassuring me I was on solid ground, I literally could not tell my legs to take bigger steps out to the yard.  I was taking little baby steps.  My partner eventually dragged me the rest of the way down the path.

Why would I be telling you this?

This is a message the Lord has been teaching me through a variety of circumstances.  Even if we can’t see or think one moment ahead, He has already been there and back again.  

Proverbs 20:24 says, “A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?” 

Why is it so hard to just let go and trust?  I was slightly appalled at how even though someone was telling me,”Hey, it’s okay, take bigger steps,” I absolutely refused to take bigger steps for fear of plummeting to the ground and making a fool of myself.

Can’t you just hear the Lord saying, “Hey, it’s okay. I am right here. Take bigger steps”?

Isaiah 43:1-2, Psalm 139:16, Proverbs 3:5-6

God Knows When You Sigh

A little something I wrote in October of 2010.

God knows when you sigh…and when you cry.

He knows if it was a gut-wrenching sob over a loved one that was taken from you. He knows if they were tears of joy.

He sees also if it’s a heart that is tearing in two that produces silent tears that trickle slowly down your face. He knows the deep longings that echo with soundless voices in your spirit. Longings that you cannot yourself voice.

He sees your shoulders sag and your eyes gaze off in the distance even though you smile and put on the “right” face when you talk with people. Longings that no one else knows about.

Tears hidden from the world. He sees them all.

And he keeps track of them.

That speaks of an incredibly intimate God. I have a hard time opening up to people. Up to a certain point, I’m friendly and open, but once certain lines are crossed, I shut the door. It is hard to trust myself to other people. But God is already there, already “nearer than breathing, nearer than hands in feet." (from Streams in the Desert, May 29 entry) Wow! You can’t get much closer than that!

There is relief in knowing that God knows the content and extent of my longings and desires. It is wonderful to be known. Open up your heart today to the Shepherd, to your Lover- and be known fully.

“…for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.” Psalm 6:8

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.” Psalm 38:9

“For he knows the secrets of the heart.” Psalm 44:21

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him…” Psalm 62:8

“But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.” Psalm 66:19

“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9

“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

I'm So Thirsty!

Hi all!

I wanted to expand on my Facebook status from this morning.

Think about how your body feels when it is dehydrated...now apply that to what happens to your spirit when it gets spiritually "dehydrated."

The Lord dropped this example in my mind about this time last year. I talked about it with my brother and we had a good conversation picking apart this example. 

One doesn't have to be a doctor or a nutritional expert to know that the body suffers mightily without regular amounts of water. Body systems, brain function, skin quality and so many other aspects of the human body depend on drinking water, and a lot of it. 

We all know this. I'm not revealing something radical.

This applies to our "spiritual bodies" (a.k.a. our spirits) as well.  They too must be regularly hydrated with "living water." 

Do we hydrate our spirits adequately? Do we know when our spirits are thirsty? Can we tell before it's too late that our spirits have become dehydrated?

Our physical bodies are noisy, constantly announcing its need for food, drink, sleep, etc. 

Our spirit is much quieter, and sometimes cannot be heard over the annoying clamor of the body. 

Knowing this, we must be proactive to take in the water of God's word. (If you're thirsty, you are already somewhat dehydrated). We would never intentionally deprive our bodies of water.  We should be far more worried about cutting off the flow of Living Water to our spirits. 

Read that Scripture one more time. Listen to that podcast. Drink some water! To start with, check out John 4:1-15 and Isaiah 55:1-2. 

One more thought.

It doesn't cost to quench your thirst or hunger for God. He gives spiritual drink and food freely- without cost. 

Isn't that refreshing?

In Review, Part 2

4. Above is a journal entry from Sept. 26 and this decision of mine had a tangible impact on my semester. The past 16 weeks were truly the most peaceful and least stressed I have had since I started college. While there are many assignments, deadlines, projects and schedules to keep straight in a semester, it doesn't have to all be painful. I just told myself I was not going to get stressed, that my God is a more-than-capable helper and off we went. He met my needs every step of the way! It is a daily choice to lay down stress. Also, as Christians, it does not make us better, cooler or more elite to be super-stressed and busy all the time.  The peace that "passes all understanding" should visibly be resting over our lives as Christians.

3. "We have this as a sure and steadfast ANCHOR of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain." ---Hebrews 6:19

This is my necklace that a lot of you have most likely seen me wear. It was given to me by a friend at a significant time in my life. Earlier in the summer, I started thinking about goals and scriptures to focus on for my senior year. I usually take time to do that before each school year and at the beginning of each new calendar year. I was reading through Hebrews at the time and my spirit latched on to the above verse. An anchor. I could hardly think of a more appealing object. An anchor doesn't move and it doesn't waver. It's job is to keep a ship in place and that is what God is for our souls. Little did I know that this scripture and the anchor symbol was to become far more important than I could imagine...

2. My Grandpa Ken (my mom's dad) died suddenly on Wednesday, July 6, 2011. His death has been the toughest personal loss, within remembering, that I have had to live with. For once in my life, I did not know what to do with myself in the days following that awful morning in July. My brother Taylor and I were the main ones that spoke briefly at his graveside service the following Monday morning. I didn't think that I could do it. I kept thinking, I shouldn't have to do this. It was years too early.
   And yet, I made it through that day. We all did. And I didn't just "make it," I literally felt lifted up on wings that flew me above the natural grief, pain and never-ending questions and into supernatural peace and comfort. Though I didn't openly talk about this event on my Twitter and Facebook accounts, many of you did contact me personally and I knew I was surrounded by prayers upon prayers. I felt them. I needed them. I am forever grateful for them.
   Less than two weeks after his death, I was picking out a new journal at Mardel's when I saw the above card in a box of greeting cards. Its sweet image and simple message immediately spoke to me.
  "Today is no match for you and God." God has proved this truth over and over to me since that Wednesday in July and I hope you realize He is ready and eager to prove the same thing in your life.