Pencil Planning

I can't get away from my paper planner. I know there are all kinds of fancy planners I can get on my phone or iPad, and I have duitfully tried them, but I just have to have a paper planner and something to write with. But as I got a new planner to start this month, I thought maybe I should start using a pencil to write in monthly and weekly plans.

For me, it was a symbolic gesture that I could make plans, but that God ultimately determines my steps. (Proverbs 16:9) Yes there has already been some erasing, but it's a visual reminder about who is in control. I've needed that. 

                                                             

April 17th, 1994

April 1994. I had just turned 4. It was around Easter and I had some questions.

Questions that would lead to the single-most life-defining decision.

While watching an Easter play on TV with my mom, I started asking,

 "Why are they doing that to Jesus?" "What is it for?" 

As my mom explained why Jesus died on the cross- to take away my sins so I could live with him forever, I asked very simply,

"Can I have that?"

From that moment on, I became another person that had never existed before.

Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.

He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.

And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.

My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.

Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?

Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?

Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?

With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.

So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...

Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.

He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.

"What this God has brought me, 
What this God has taught me- 
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space 
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me 
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost 
Oh this God has been life to these bones 
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."

---Kendall Payne, "On My Bones"

A Noteworthy Year: Twenty Twelve

A blinking cursor.

A big white square. That's what's facing me right now as I grasp for words to outline the past 12 months.

But blankness is certainly not what lies behind:

Lunch at Vast

Among many other things...
College graduation.
Best friend's engagement.
My engagement.
Best friend's wedding.
First devotions published
My wedding.
Also throw in a honeymoon, church change, new house, and new part-time job at TriCorps.

Fullness. Newness. Growth. Dreams reaching maturity and blossoming in my hands.

Numerous words have already been spoken on each of these amazing milestones; I am only left with a humble and grateful heart.

I am married to the most incredible man (for his end of the year blog post, click here) and blessed beyond belief to be his wife. My jobs right now are awesome, fulfilling and challenging- and very different from each other!

I have a beautiful home I get to decorate and fix up with my husband.

We both have excellent families that we get to live life with. I could go on...

Tear off that calendar page

What now? What is God speaking to me to focus on for 2013?

The words that keeps resonating in my spirit are: hungry, learn, grow.

Hungry for more of God.
Thirsty to learn.
Eager to grow.

I've been filled to the brim and even overflowing this year, but in an odd way, that makes me realize I do need God more and more every day so I can constantly learn, I can constantly grow, and I constantly bless and influence those around me. That gives me an appetite for God he promises to satisfy. (Matt. 5:6)

What words are echoing in your soul as you close your eyes on 2012 and open them to 2013?

"For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Psalm 107:9

Happy New Year!

It Was the Last of Times, It Was the First of Times

Hello readers,

This is Samantha Hanni, the writer formerly known as Samantha Maloy. I would've blogged sooner, but it's later...so whatever. In case you hadn't heard...

I am now a wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wedding photography featured in this post by Valerie Sebestyen.
Check out my or her FB page for the complete album.

And I couldn't be more thrilled, contented, or excited.

Where do I begin? The week leading up to the wedding proceeded smoothly, all things considered. But nearly everyday brought the poignant thought of "This is the last time that..."

The week that never was close, never seemed like it was going to happen was right here: happening, rushing over and past me in a wave that I couldn't control.

However, I did my best to soak in the water from the wedding wave (or hurricane. or tsunami. K never mind that's being dramatic.) and I loved and felt that week more deeply than I thought was possible.

As you can see, the long awaited day started for me bright and early! After that, I don't remember much... except that we got hitched!

No, for real...the day appeared, existed, then vanished.

The day went incredibly smooth though (at least it seemed like that...if there are conflicting stories, please keep those to yourself! Haha.) Many many thanks for all who helped it run so smoothly. Your thank you card will be arriving soon in the mail. I promise!!

Then we were on our own. Finally. Just ourselves, headed to relax in the Florida Keys for a whole week.

Pigeon Key

Reppin' Shimmers in the Atlantic Ocean! 

I don't even know...

Marker 88 Restaurant

Outside our resort

Shark Valley- Everglades

Photographing a cute little lizard 

Self-explanatory

Random signs I found amusing

.together.

By the end of the week, we were both ready to be back in our lovely Oklahoma and start living life again, but living it together. Just two weeks before had been a week of lasts. Now it was a week of firsts. First time to go to the grocery store, first time to plan and cook meals -all by myself!- first time for Kurtis to come home to me, first time to make our bed, first time to come home together after a Thunder game, first first first!

Everything we have planned, prayed and dreamed about, we are living out now, with more and more to come. I can already say it is a beautiful, restoring, challenging journey.

We aren't perfect, but I can say this without a doubt: Kurtis was created to be a husband and I was created to be a wife.  It is an energizing, powerful thing to be living out the role you were created for. Glory to our Creator, and the One who holds our lives and marriage in His hands.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Hanni

Are You Happy With Now?

What if you were completely satisfied with this moment right now?

I started thinking last night how much of our time and energy is spent in anticipation of:

the weekend
next month
November 3 (Oh wait, I think that's just me...)
a different season
freshman year
senior year
another year
another time
another place.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this kind of thinking; anticipation can be good. Planning is necessary.

But are you able to set all that aside as needed and be genuinely satisfied with the present?

If yes, great. You don't have to finish reading this post.
If not, let's chat a bit more.

Truthfully, I'm preaching to myself right now. Truthfully, I am living in GREAT anticipation for that November 3 date when my fiance and I will finally be man and wife, and there is nothing wrong with that. Truthfully, I did not expect it to be so hard to be satisfied with my here and now, and that struggle is refining me.

So I go back to God's Word. Psalm 118:24 says, "THIS is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I cannot dismiss the utter gift that right now is, because it will never happen again. There is much to do, much to say, much to listen to, much to be each day. Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there." Be all here. In this day. THIS day. Not 2 weeks from now. Not next month. Not 2 months from now. Not 5 years from now.


 I encourage you all, as I am firmly encouraging myself, to finish drinking all now has to offer before moving on to...

...whatever's next.

"Let not our longing slay our appetite for living."

--- Jim Elliot



7-19-11

One year ago today, I asked God for something rather specific.

This request is written on a piece of wood and is from a sermon that our church does every year. It represents "staking your claim" in God's promises and is a visual representation of what you have asked God for in faith. (Another story behind this...ask me some other time!)

So here I was. I was getting ready to start my senior year. I was going back to teaching. I was in a very good place in my relationship with the Lord. I was really happy with where I was in life. But I wanted to ask God this one thing...

There was no one I was interested in at the time and I was looking at finishing school in just nine short months. In my mind, it was a reasonable request that I at least meet the man who I would marry and begin to build a friendship that would eventually turn into something more. If that still wasn't in God's timing for this year, then ok. At least I'd asked. And of course I had been praying about who I would marry for years, thinking about qualities that I desired, and actually praying FOR whoever that man would be.

But this time, it just felt different.

Anyway, back to 7-19-11....

About two weeks from that day, my friend Claire Myers told me about "this guy" from her church. (Also another crazy story in and of itself!)

Then on 8-18-11, I met Kurtis Hanni for the first time at the Starbucks by dance.

Then one month from that first meeting, we were dating.

Then nine months later, we got engaged.

So here I am a year later, planning a wedding and preparing to become a wife to the most loving, intelligent, God-fearing, funny, handsome man I have EVER met.  

I am thrilled beyond words.

Yet I managed to find a few for this post :)

I share this because I am always encouraged when I hear or read about God answering prayers and working in the lives of fellow believers. My story...our story!... isn't a formula or a blueprint, but yet another piece of unique evidence of a faithful God.

And He is so very faithful...goodness...I can hardly articulate it.

"...no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him."

1 Cor. 2:9

A Huge Gaping Abyss

Here is another devo from the vault! I wrote this Aug/Sept of my freshman year in college. I have grown a lot in the area of trusting God with my future since then, but thought it would be cool to post this before my LAST WEEK of regular classes (maybe ever?) starts up. 

Enjoy!

I recently attended a leadership orientation for my scholarship group.  As is typical with these types of orientations, we got to partake in a variety of icebreakers.  One such task, though relatively simple, proved amazingly hard for me. 

Picture this: you and your partner. Small balls on the ground.  Your partner directs you to the balls and you throw the balls to try to tag the other people out by listening to your partner’s instructions. 

Oh yeah, and you are blindfolded, as are the other people you are trying to tag. 

Since I went first, my partner actually had to lead me out of the room where we were meeting to the playing space outside.  Here is where I ran into my problem. 

I couldn’t see. 

I didn’t know what to expect next. 

Any step could be my last (okay, not really but just play along).  The next step could plunge me into a huge gaping abyss. 

Even with my partner leading me by the elbow and reassuring me I was on solid ground, I literally could not tell my legs to take bigger steps out to the yard.  I was taking little baby steps.  My partner eventually dragged me the rest of the way down the path.

Why would I be telling you this?

This is a message the Lord has been teaching me through a variety of circumstances.  Even if we can’t see or think one moment ahead, He has already been there and back again.  

Proverbs 20:24 says, “A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?” 

Why is it so hard to just let go and trust?  I was slightly appalled at how even though someone was telling me,”Hey, it’s okay, take bigger steps,” I absolutely refused to take bigger steps for fear of plummeting to the ground and making a fool of myself.

Can’t you just hear the Lord saying, “Hey, it’s okay. I am right here. Take bigger steps”?

Isaiah 43:1-2, Psalm 139:16, Proverbs 3:5-6