April 1994. I had just turned 4. It was around Easter and I had some questions.
Questions that would lead to the single-most life-defining decision.
While watching an Easter play on TV with my mom, I started asking,
"Why are they doing that to Jesus?" "What is it for?"
As my mom explained why Jesus died on the cross- to take away my sins so I could live with him forever, I asked very simply,
"Can I have that?"
From that moment on, I became another person that had never existed before.
Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.
He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.
And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.
My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.
Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?
Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?
Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?
With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.
So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...
Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.
He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.
Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.
He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.
And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.
My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.
Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?
Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?
Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?
With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.
So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...
Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.
He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.
"What this God has brought me,
What this God has taught me-
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost
Oh this God has been life to these bones
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."
What this God has taught me-
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost
Oh this God has been life to these bones
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."
---Kendall Payne, "On My Bones"
