God Knows When You Sigh

A little something I wrote in October of 2010.

God knows when you sigh…and when you cry.

He knows if it was a gut-wrenching sob over a loved one that was taken from you. He knows if they were tears of joy.

He sees also if it’s a heart that is tearing in two that produces silent tears that trickle slowly down your face. He knows the deep longings that echo with soundless voices in your spirit. Longings that you cannot yourself voice.

He sees your shoulders sag and your eyes gaze off in the distance even though you smile and put on the “right” face when you talk with people. Longings that no one else knows about.

Tears hidden from the world. He sees them all.

And he keeps track of them.

That speaks of an incredibly intimate God. I have a hard time opening up to people. Up to a certain point, I’m friendly and open, but once certain lines are crossed, I shut the door. It is hard to trust myself to other people. But God is already there, already “nearer than breathing, nearer than hands in feet." (from Streams in the Desert, May 29 entry) Wow! You can’t get much closer than that!

There is relief in knowing that God knows the content and extent of my longings and desires. It is wonderful to be known. Open up your heart today to the Shepherd, to your Lover- and be known fully.

“…for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.” Psalm 6:8

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.” Psalm 38:9

“For he knows the secrets of the heart.” Psalm 44:21

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him…” Psalm 62:8

“But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.” Psalm 66:19

“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9

“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

In Review, Part 1

New Year's is one of my favorite holidays because it combines looking back and looking forward, two of my favorite activities. I love the chance to reflect on the 365 days that have passed and then make goals, dream and pray about the next 365 days, or in the case of 2012, 366 days. :-)

2011 has been a very eventful year for my family, as I am sure it has been for other families as well. What I'd like to share is a countdown of the top quotes/scriptures/songs/journal entries that have had the greatest influence on me this year.

8. "The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best." ---Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (May 25)

Subconsciously, this has long been a driving force in my life, but it came to the forefront of my mind time and again this year. I was faced with several decisions and this thought, this holding out for the best, was the main factor that influenced those decisions. I pray that I continue to have courage to focus on this truth!

7. Mary Englebreit's artwork just flat out brings a smile to your face! I came across this poster on Pinterest this fall and it is the quote on my blog profile. Just to be is a blessing...with Christ, this is the absolute truth! And it simplifies your day to focus on that truth.


6. "Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart for joy." & "Where grows the golden grain? Where faith? Where sympathy? In a furrow, cut by pain." ---Streams in the Desert (Jan. 18 & 20)

Truthfully, I discovered this line about two years ago, but it was made even more real in my life this year. This school of thought will begin to make more sense as you see more of what happened in our family in Part 2 of my post. It is such a beautiful and hopeful image!


5. The final entry for Part 1 is a song by Selah called "All My Tears." A group from my studio danced to this song about three years ago. It was beautiful and haunting...definitely one of my favorite dances. Little did I know that when we performed this in May 2008, it would be the last time that many of us would ever dance together for various reasons.
   Fast forward to October 2011. I received word that a friend of mine had been killed in a car accident. She was 20, and had been one of the dancers in "All My Tears."  The morning of her funeral, I had been thinking of that very song, and as it turns out, they showed the dance at her service. That's when it hit me. It is our passion as Christians who are dancers to dance for an audience of One.  Now she truly was in the presence of our Savior, dancing for Him.... Listen to the song below and just imagine...

Well, I'm here. Now what?

Hello.
My name is Samantha and I have a few thoughts to share. Some posts (like today's) contain recent material I've written. Others are devotionals and other such collection of thoughts that God gave to me as long as four years ago.

We shall see how this goes.

Leave your comments, tell your friends about this blog, and please, if you see any typos that somehow slipped by me, let me know. (I'm an editor, so typos are epic fails for me...)

The first few posts are editorials that were published in the University of Central Oklahoma's campus newspaper, The Vista. I held the editor-in-chief position of The Vista this summer and had the chance to write four editorials. This is the last one I wrote and it ran under the headline of "School of Sorrow."

Editorials generally are about news but this particular editorial is not about news. It is not about politics and it is not about the campus. It is about people.

My grandfather, who I was close to, died very unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. Despite dealing with the grief, which will take…well, it takes as long it takes, I have learned some valuable lessons, and maybe it will help someone else through a difficult situation. If not, I guess I am mainly the one that needs this.

First of all, when helping those who have just suffered something tragic, don’t ask questions, just do. Many people were supportive of our family and offered to do whatever we needed, and I know they were sincere. Fact is, people who have just received horrific news, cannot answer questions and cannot think of what they need. If you know the family in need well enough, just make food and bring it to them. Just load the dishwasher without asking. Trust me, it is what is needed, and they will be eternally grateful. We had a few families do that for us and it makes a world of difference. Saddle up your horse and ride to their rescue.

Secondly, I have learned that catching grief causes you to drop other burdens. Suddenly, certain things do not matter anymore. Ever-pressing tasks, pesky problems and annoying memories disappeared from the computer screen of your mind. It is actually a good thing. There were several looming tasks on my calendar the week my Grandpa died and other things that had been nagging at my mind. In one afternoon, that all was swept away.

Thirdly, do not ask if someone is “ok.” No, they are not ok. A family member has just died. This phrase has become so commonplace in our day-to-day conversation, yet to someone filled with grief, it honestly feels like a slap in the face. No, we are not “ok.” We will be eventually, but not today.

Finally, if you ever think your life is not worth living, that it would be far easier for your family to not have to deal with you, please, please think again. Life is ALWAYS worth living and to decide to take yourself out of the game early will leave your family minus one player; with unanswerable questions, unspeakable grief, and silence and space where your words and life should’ve been.

In the words of a Switchfoot song, “Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance.”