A Prayer

This is a prayer I jotted down in my journal 3-4 years ago. I posted it on my blog last April, but never posted a link to it. I felt like I wanted to share it again on this fine Saturday.

Blessings to you all! Have a wonderful day :)

I have learned much, lost much, and gained much. And I by no means feel that I have reached a plateau. I cannot afford that luxury. Such is the ebb and flow of life.

Oh Father, I am so humbled by you. You have made us in your image; yet we are eternally-bound beings in mortally-bound bodies. You have called us to share the Good News, but there is not a more leaky bunch of jars to carry that Water of Life than us.

Yet you so patiently hold us, patch us, reshape us, and pour us out and fill us up at the right time, your time.

Your love permeates every cell of my body. It wraps around me, soothes me, whispers in my ear as I lay exhausted in my bed and directs me as I hurry to class.

I look for you everywhere, God. I find you in so many places throughout the day. You gift me with breath in my lungs, the dawn, and unending mercies every day. A second chance. I see your glory in the skies.

I see and rejoice in your unfailing beauty in the flowers- in the trees.

I listen for you in other peoples’ voices. I earnestly seek for evidence of you in their lives to see if I have found a brother or sister.

I rejoice in your safety. Who knows how many times you have shielded me from harm, the unsavory eye, my own self?

God, I feel your love when I am with those who I love. What sweet fellowship!

I savor, I store up, I rejoice in those quiet moments with you when your peace steals over my soul. Peace I don’t deserve. Peace that I should not be having- but it’s there.

I am further humbled when, though I am your child, you reveal areas in my life that have previously hid from your light. Areas I would have said were fine. Areas I jealously guard. Let it all come under your jurisdiction.

One thing I ask of-this is what I seek: to do for others, to live beyond myself. I do not wish to be an ending place, but a starting point for you to reach peoples’ lives. This world needs you God.

Hear my heart, know my thoughts. Keep me in the shadow of your wings.

God Knows When You Sigh

A little something I wrote in October of 2010.

God knows when you sigh…and when you cry.

He knows if it was a gut-wrenching sob over a loved one that was taken from you. He knows if they were tears of joy.

He sees also if it’s a heart that is tearing in two that produces silent tears that trickle slowly down your face. He knows the deep longings that echo with soundless voices in your spirit. Longings that you cannot yourself voice.

He sees your shoulders sag and your eyes gaze off in the distance even though you smile and put on the “right” face when you talk with people. Longings that no one else knows about.

Tears hidden from the world. He sees them all.

And he keeps track of them.

That speaks of an incredibly intimate God. I have a hard time opening up to people. Up to a certain point, I’m friendly and open, but once certain lines are crossed, I shut the door. It is hard to trust myself to other people. But God is already there, already “nearer than breathing, nearer than hands in feet." (from Streams in the Desert, May 29 entry) Wow! You can’t get much closer than that!

There is relief in knowing that God knows the content and extent of my longings and desires. It is wonderful to be known. Open up your heart today to the Shepherd, to your Lover- and be known fully.

“…for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.” Psalm 6:8

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.” Psalm 38:9

“For he knows the secrets of the heart.” Psalm 44:21

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Psalm 56:8

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him…” Psalm 62:8

“But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.” Psalm 66:19

“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9

“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

In Review, Part 2

4. Above is a journal entry from Sept. 26 and this decision of mine had a tangible impact on my semester. The past 16 weeks were truly the most peaceful and least stressed I have had since I started college. While there are many assignments, deadlines, projects and schedules to keep straight in a semester, it doesn't have to all be painful. I just told myself I was not going to get stressed, that my God is a more-than-capable helper and off we went. He met my needs every step of the way! It is a daily choice to lay down stress. Also, as Christians, it does not make us better, cooler or more elite to be super-stressed and busy all the time.  The peace that "passes all understanding" should visibly be resting over our lives as Christians.

3. "We have this as a sure and steadfast ANCHOR of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain." ---Hebrews 6:19

This is my necklace that a lot of you have most likely seen me wear. It was given to me by a friend at a significant time in my life. Earlier in the summer, I started thinking about goals and scriptures to focus on for my senior year. I usually take time to do that before each school year and at the beginning of each new calendar year. I was reading through Hebrews at the time and my spirit latched on to the above verse. An anchor. I could hardly think of a more appealing object. An anchor doesn't move and it doesn't waver. It's job is to keep a ship in place and that is what God is for our souls. Little did I know that this scripture and the anchor symbol was to become far more important than I could imagine...

2. My Grandpa Ken (my mom's dad) died suddenly on Wednesday, July 6, 2011. His death has been the toughest personal loss, within remembering, that I have had to live with. For once in my life, I did not know what to do with myself in the days following that awful morning in July. My brother Taylor and I were the main ones that spoke briefly at his graveside service the following Monday morning. I didn't think that I could do it. I kept thinking, I shouldn't have to do this. It was years too early.
   And yet, I made it through that day. We all did. And I didn't just "make it," I literally felt lifted up on wings that flew me above the natural grief, pain and never-ending questions and into supernatural peace and comfort. Though I didn't openly talk about this event on my Twitter and Facebook accounts, many of you did contact me personally and I knew I was surrounded by prayers upon prayers. I felt them. I needed them. I am forever grateful for them.
   Less than two weeks after his death, I was picking out a new journal at Mardel's when I saw the above card in a box of greeting cards. Its sweet image and simple message immediately spoke to me.
  "Today is no match for you and God." God has proved this truth over and over to me since that Wednesday in July and I hope you realize He is ready and eager to prove the same thing in your life.