April 17th, 1994

April 1994. I had just turned 4. It was around Easter and I had some questions.

Questions that would lead to the single-most life-defining decision.

While watching an Easter play on TV with my mom, I started asking,

 "Why are they doing that to Jesus?" "What is it for?" 

As my mom explained why Jesus died on the cross- to take away my sins so I could live with him forever, I asked very simply,

"Can I have that?"

From that moment on, I became another person that had never existed before.

Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.

He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.

And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.

My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.

Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?

Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?

Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?

With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.

So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...

Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.

He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.

"What this God has brought me, 
What this God has taught me- 
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space 
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me 
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost 
Oh this God has been life to these bones 
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."

---Kendall Payne, "On My Bones"

24

No, this post is not about Jack Bauer.

Today is my birthday and in honor of turning 24, here are 24 factoids about me ;-)

My mom's water broke the evening of April 1st, but she didn't have me until later in the day on the 2nd. I could have been an April's Fool baby, but I wasn't. Thanks Mom!

I am 1/4 Japanese, dad's side.

I've never colored my hair (only gotten highlights once).

I like making lists.

Actually, I love making lists.

I have vandalized school property. Intentionally. In a minor fashion, but it was therapeutic.

I have become more introverted the older I've gotten. I talked a lot when I was little. Like, a lot.

When I was 4, I founded "The Prissy Club." Only Virginia Taylor and myself were members.

I am published! Two of my devotions appear in the book "Big Dreams from Small Spaces," published by Group Publishing. My ultimate goal is publish a devo book for little kids.

Drowning/suffocating and snakes are my biggest fears.

And thanks to this last winter, I now loathe driving on ice.

#teamsweettea all the way. And no, unsweet tea with "sweetener" is NOT the same thing.

In the last year, I rediscovered my love of reading.

I was homeschooled. 

If you don't know me well, you read that and thought "Wow! But she's...normal!"

Or maybe you didn't. That's okay too.

I have a weakness for cosmetic bags and office supplies. Both obsessions started young.

Grammar Nazi. 

I met my husband on a blind date...a mutual friend set us up...after she had dreamed (repeatedly) we were married. We were engaged in 8 months. When you know, you know!

Psalms, Hebrews and Romans are my favorite books of the Bible.

Anchors are my life symbol. Hebrews 6:19

I love checking the mail.

When I lived with my parents, one of my main household chores was to do the dishes. I was nicknamed "The Dish Fairy." I can't wait to have a kid who can be my dish fairy. Haha!

Speaking of nicknames, I didn't really have nicknames growing up. I was just Samantha. That's still my preference. A select few get to call me Sam or Sammi ;) And they know who they are.

Love,
Samantha

.listen.

Periodically, I feel the Lord leading me to spend a week quiet in His presence.

Truly quiet. No wrestling with decisions. No distracted praying.  

Just... listening. 

Listening for His voice in my soul.

"Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught.
The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious; I turned not backward."
Isaiah 51:4-5

Do we really know how to listen? Remorsefully, I think about how often I fill the time with me and God with words...so many words. Not all bad ones. But do I stop enough to listen to Him? Do I pause long enough to hear His voice?

"Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear..." 

James 1:19

In any relationship, there is talking and listening; giving and taking. Why should communicating with God be any different? We've been in those conversations that are really monologues. You can't get a word in to save your life, and if you happen to eke out a few thoughts, it's obvious the other person is just waiting for your mouth to stop moving so they can pick up where they left off.

Are we carrying on a monologue with God?

Our society puts much emphasis on words. Fill the void with words. They don't even have to be helpful or true it seems like...just produce words. We can't let that mentality bleed into our relationship with Jesus. If you find yourself (like me) lacking on listening, don't hesitate to relax in God's presence, close your eyes, and just listen. Whether He has something to say to you or simply wants to bless you with His nearness, let Him have the floor.

God has so refreshed me this week. I have felt His arms wrap around my soul.

He is eager to do the same for you.