This Post is For You

This post is for you if Mothers' Day is...well...not what it should be. Not what it could be. Not what it was before.

Maybe you don't have a Mom to celebrate with here on Earth. To you, I say you are loved. And I am sorry. It's okay to not be okay. Each year will feel different as you grow and heal. But your family is by your side, growing and healing with you. You are not alone.

Maybe you would like to be a Mom, but for whatever reason, life has not begun inside you. To you, I say you are loved and I pray that God surrounds you with an extra measure of grace this weekend. Do not lose heart, dear one. Do not lose heart.

Maybe you are a Mom, a mom to angel babies that you never held in your arms, but will forever hold in your heart. To you, I say you are loved and are still a mom, even though you may not be changing diapers or struggling to load your brood into the car. Your babies experienced so much love in the short time they were here on earth.

Maybe you are a Mom in the waiting to a precious treasure. A little one is coming to you, a little one that someone else brought into the world, but can't walk with anymore. To you I say you are loved, and I pray endurance for you for the road ahead and that your home will be blessed with love and laughter in the years to come.

Maybe you are a Mom and have a Mom, but there are hurts. Hurts that sometimes feel too deep to overcome. To you,  I say you are loved, and I pray time and mercy would do their work in your life.

To all Moms, you are loved. You are appreciated. You are treasured and valued. We are what we are today because of you. In whatever way you need, I pray your day is beautiful.

Beautiful like you.

April 17th, 1994

April 1994. I had just turned 4. It was around Easter and I had some questions.

Questions that would lead to the single-most life-defining decision.

While watching an Easter play on TV with my mom, I started asking,

 "Why are they doing that to Jesus?" "What is it for?" 

As my mom explained why Jesus died on the cross- to take away my sins so I could live with him forever, I asked very simply,

"Can I have that?"

From that moment on, I became another person that had never existed before.

Because the penalty of death is levied against us based not on what we've done, but because of who we are, our nature, my young self was in just as much need of Christ's blood as the thief on the cross, and God used that moment while I was watching the play to reveal Himself to me.

He gave me a new nature and called me to follow Him, patterning my life after His word, not the world.

And that is what I've done- with mistakes, yes, but my feet have stayed on the path, my hand in His hand.

My walk with the Lord begin at the age of 4 and I have walked closely, unashamedly with Christ ever since. I do not remember a time without Him, and because of that, the Lord recently had me to think about where I would be without Him in my life. Below are my thoughts on that very subject, and please understand that they are only my musings on my own personal life, and not a judgment on anyone else's choices.

Without Christ...I most likely would've experienced dysfunctional views of marriage and family life. How would I know that to live as man and wife is to get a glimpse of Christ's relationship with the Church? Of intimacy that was birthed in the divine? That it is a forever kind of love? That you learn to find freedom and joy in laying down self?

Without Christ...and knowing my own weaknesses, I probably would've become vain, self-involved and judgmental, fearful, not caring about those around me. How would I know any other way? How would I know to love my neighbor as myself, to know that I should combat evil with good? To know that I've been forgiven, so I must extend the same forgiveness?

Without Christ...My involvement in the fine arts would've looked drastically different. The fine arts/entertainment world, as manipulated by Satan, is a dark arena that can turn humans with a genuine gift into self-focused, competitive shadows with the goal of seeking prestige for themselves, while harming others and themselves in that pursuit. How would I know that the glory of earthly success reflecting back on me (instead of God) would actually burn me, not illuminate me?

With Christ, however, I get to experience a love and peace that isn't defined by changing circumstances and guides me no matter what.

So on this April 17th, as I look back over the past 20 years and gaze toward the next 20, I remember lessons learned.
I thank God for triumphs, small and large.
I thank Him even more for times in the valley...

Jesus didn't have to die a horrific death 2,000 years ago. He didn't have to provide a way for me to have a relationship with him. But he did. And he rose again, on that Easter morning so long ago.

He doesn't owe me anything, but He has freely given me everything.
And I owe Him my life.

"What this God has brought me, 
What this God has taught me- 
Passion and grace, how to stand in one's space 
Laughing at lilies, what truly fulfills me 
Death on a cross, it was I that was lost 
Oh this God has been life to these bones 
Oh this God has been life to my bones..."

---Kendall Payne, "On My Bones"

The Last Time

>>>>the thing about the last time is that we don't know it's the last time<<<<

I will see you again one day, Grammy. Last time on earth isn't the last time forever.

Of Stars and Whales

This morning in Sunday School, we watched a neat video as part of a special worship/testimony time at the end of the year.

Before you read further, please check out the video we watched. It goes by fast and at least for me, it instantly and radically changed how I viewed the praises rising up to surround our Creator.

Stars and whales...wow.

We have no idea the sounds without words (intelligibly to our ear, that is) that must surround the throne of God Most High. For some reason, I have no trouble imagining this.

Praise him, all you shining stars.

I honestly don't have anything insightful or clever to say about this video. All I know is that it lit me up on the inside to imagine creation crying out in wordless praise to the same God that I praise, and I want everyone that is willing to catch a glimpse of that too.

Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures.

Praise the Lord.

The Forever

From a journal entry in December 2010, with some modifications :)

Always.

Forever. 

Our society really misuses these poor words. I mean, we don't really have other options. The English language didn't give us words to denote varying levels of a particular idea or sentiment, like other languages do.

I personally toss these words around without thinking about them.  How many times have you said or heard phrases like these?

"I was waiting for the doctor for forever today!" (Hmm...is 45 minutes more accurate?)

"Like, for real- I was in that line at Wal-Mart forevvaa!" (I think it was probably 10 minutes.)

"Ugh, I was stopped at the light for forever!" (Two minutes, really? Forever?)

Forever is used in these circumstances to denote how long they lasted. It can also be used to declare such unending pleasure in a particular activity as to wish away its unavoidable termination.

"Ohhh, I wish it was always Christmas break!"

"I could just sit here on the beach for forever!"

Etc., etc.

Using this as an example, Christmas Break cannot last forever- we must move on to the rest of our calendar. If it was break all the time, how would we know to enjoy it? There would not be anything significant to let us know that we could and should enjoy this restful period.

These trite phrases are traded fast and furious throughout the day. What got me started thinking about this was eternity and heaven, and how our lives there as Christians really are forever. Our lives there will never end.

Do we really know what always and forever means? Can our brains even process this concept?

Think of how bounded by time our world is, especially the Western world. Everything most definitely has an end.

We finish books, we complete a degree, we consume a meal, we arrive at our destination, the song ends, the party ends, our naps end, the movie ends, the story ends.

Yet in heaven, The End no longer has any relevance. What will that even be like?

Truth is, we don't know yet. We can't know, because our minds are still bounded by time. I'm ok with not fully comprehending yet. 

I'm no philosopher or theologian...I just was thinking, and wanted to get you all to do the same...